Or maybe a little from column A and a little from column B

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

Boy am I ugly. I’m so ugly that when I was born the doctor slapped my mother.

My mother, she wouldn’t breastfeed me, she said she liked me as a friend.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

Then later as I was growing up, when I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

Boy I was an ugly kid. I had plenty of pimples, one day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

I met the surgeon general, he gave me a cigarette.

Then I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

I told my doctor I want to get a vasectomy. He told me that with a face like mine, I don’t need one.

I told my doctor, “Every day I wake up, I look in the mirror, I want to throw up. What’s wrong with me?” He said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.

I tell ya, I know I’m ugly. My proctologist stuck his finger in my mouth.

Fair enough, but reading the comments it appears your edit isn’t explicit enough, or people just read the headlines I guess.

Edit/update from 9to5google so this post does not spread what is apparently inaccurate information:

I know we are desperate for content here on Lemmy, and I can google hate circle jerk with the best of them, but maybe just delete the post if it is a complete clickbait lie… you could also reword the post as a fact check, ‘no, google isn’t injecting adds into maps.’

And Dell said “Great, thanks, saved us a ton on severance packages and allowed us to replace our high paid tenured employees with hungry graduates who are prepared to work themselves to death for peanuts”

The onion should do a satire version of this article…

#1) BizzBop: a can of soda

#2) shaplopped: sitting down in your chair too hard

#3) smooly-D: having difficulty keeping aim at the urinal.

#4) snorkeling: to have such abundance that you are euphemistically ‘swimming’ in something.

Last night I shaplopped, was snorkeling in bizzbop so hard that my smooly-D was straight killing it.

What else y’all got?

They will still be short staffed and overworked. The company isn’t outsourcing the drive through out of the kindness of their hearts in order to lighten the workload on the employees.

I had a job that bought me one of these about 15 years ago, never used it

What do you think is more likely, that telepathy is real or that it’s just your schizophrenia talking?

I feel like I am talking with a bot who is programmed to annoy the scientifically literate.

Let us all bask in the absurdity of your thought process:

You first say ‘the CIA says that they can perform telepathy’, and then you say ‘the CIA says that they cannot perform telepathy’, then you say ‘I don’t trust what the CIA says’, and therefore: ‘the CIA can do telepathy’

Despite this horribly flawed methodology, the concept of telepathy is widely known to be pseudoscience. The claims of telepathy do not hold up to scrutiny. Your theories are easily debunked.

Radin’s ideas and work have been criticized by scientists and philosophers skeptical of paranormal claims. The review of Radin’s first book, The Conscious Universe, that appeared in Nature charged that Radin ignored the known hoaxes in the field, made statistical errors and ignored plausible non-paranormal explanations for parapsychological data.

You cite a quack who has a Wikipedia article that is 75% explaining how he is not a trustworthy source.

Lastly, if telepathy were a real actual thing that people can do, do realize how many other aspects of reality must also be of a conspiratorial nature? Its borderline paranoid schizophrenia to think something like telepathy is real and the CIA is covering it up.

Hopefully you can raise your standard of what constitutes evidence and apply a little more skeptical thinking when you come across wild claims that demand extraordinary evidence.

Read this dude

The Stargate Project was terminated and declassified in 1995 after a CIA report concluded that it was never useful in any intelligence operation. Information provided by the program was vague and included irrelevant and erroneous data, and there were suspicions of inter-judge reliability.

If there was any evidence whatsoever that remote viewing or telepathy was a real thing which actually works, the world would be a very different place.

It takes just a few moments of critical thinking to debunk your pseudoscience claims.

Not even the CIA would be able to cover it up and someone would have collected their Million dollar prize

Yeah, like they don’t know how to actually do telepathy, but they essentially know that telepathy works, for sure. /s

They need some signs, ‘No pumping gas in fuzzy jackets’

This is a great idea… cause a mess that someone else has to clean up rather then press the mute button, absolutely brilliant.

That’s what my ex wife used to say

Better than one of those pesky unproven facts

Nobody wants to take responsibility for this bird

That’s criminal, preying on the elderly. Basically a tech support scam but it’s actually Microsoft running it

Nice that might have been something they fixed.